From Jimmy Kimmel Live! co-head writer Danny Ricker comes a satirical self-help manifesto for parents on the brink of despair, guaranteed to get you back the three things parenting takes from us all: our time, money, and mind.

You used to be a person. A real one—with hobbies, expendable income, and sex that was at least semi-annual. But then you had kids, and the more you became a parent, the less you became yourself. You love your children deeply, but most days you feel like nothing more than their service animal. That ends today (. . . just the second part. You can still love your kids.)

Wow, You Look Terrible! is a beacon of hope to beleaguered parents across the globe. The revolutionary child-rearing techniques within will teach you how to:

• Save money on soccer by having your child join a cult
• Throw your kid’s entire birthday party in 17 minutes flat
• Get shredded abs while pulling your toddler out of a bounce house
• Rid your life of the Easter Bunny once and for all
• And much, much more

With illustrations, personal stories from the author, and a foreword by four-time father and beloved late night scamp Jimmy Kimmel, this book will take you down the righteous path of parenting less and living more.